That being said, a patient and self-immersed belief by me, that this parent and student have rights and can be helped sends the effective sensory signals. The parent I am about to encounter thinks they will be lectured, embarrassed by a list of wrongs enacted, helpless to contribute, unknowing what to "do" and in general tired of trying to "do" what they cannot or do not understand. Now to rapport . . . it is not the physical behavior that I initially rely on, but an attitude that will exhibit through my own sub modalities that this will be a "different" interview for the parent. A pattern interrupt, if you will, of an expected event. This moment of, "What the hell is this guy all about . . . is he really gonna listen to me?" is a vulnerable serendipitous moment that opens the door for rapport.

"Sit here . . . you must be tired!" " How can I help?" (I take command "Sit here", identify with how they feel "You must be tired" and offer what they do not expect. "How can I help?"). I then watch the physical behavior and listen to the sound of the voice, not so much the words but the shape as they come out. My own speech pattern does an automatic pace adjustment and my words support the presenting belief system, even if I disagree with it. " I know what it's like to be yelled at by a teacher it stinks, doesn't it?" I usually get a nod from the student who is surprised that I understand.

I am pacing their deep structure beliefs I have to move upward but carefully, to the linking behaviors. Then I will move to a reframe ... maybe a short story...if the moment allows it ... no forcing the activity of the "other" will suggest the pacing model. It is less an intervention than a 'folding' into of a suggestion, a future thought to consider within their own structure of belief. It is covert; they can reject it and they sometimes do ... but the effort is so gentle and unexpected that their emotional state begins to lower its arousal in significant ways.

I often purposely hold off my own introduction to the parent and student until this moment has arrived " Sorry ... I forgot to introduce myself . . . I'm Joseph Donahue . . . the kids call me Mr. D." You can tell by their affect that they are unused to this treatment. If I categorized my pacing it would be FUTURE pacing, also unexpected pacing. I have used cross-over mirroring, matching my hand movements to the rhythm of a head movement or body movement. I am a large athletic man, so I will often "make myself smaller" by sitting far back in my chair and leaning slightly forward if the person is timid or much smaller than I am. This is also a type of cross-over mirroring but in a general way. Let the moment be initiated by the "other", would be my advice. It is a door to helping them. Let the client choose the NLP tools indicated by their total communication, first you follow, then you pace . . . then you lead.